Rina Sawayama Reveals She Was Groomed at 17: ‘I Just Felt So Afraid of Things’

Rina Sawayama has spoken at length about the childhood trauma that she wrote about on her sophomore album Hold the Girl, but in a new interview, she revealed how one song came out of a revelation in therapy.

During an interview on BBC Three and BBC World Service’s In Conversation on Thursday (Sept. 28), Sawayama said that a series of sex and relationship therapy sessions helped her understand the truth behind what she once thought was a relationship she had at 17 years old. “I was groomed,” she said. “It was by a school teacher.”

Coming to this realization in her therapy sessions, Sawayama said, “completely broke my whole world apart.” The “Hurricanes” singer said that she experienced intense fallout after being groomed, both by her peers and herself. “I was so badly slut-shamed, that I developed so much shame around my sexuality, and lost completely my sense of self, I detached from my skin like inside,” she said. “I just felt so afraid of things, and I’d have anxiety attacks.”

It wasn’t until her sex and relationship therapy sessions that Sawayama felt capable of acknowledging what had happened to her. “Seventeen to me is a child — you’re in school, you have no autonomy most of the time … If a school teacher is coming on to you, that’s an abuse of power,” she said. “I didn’t realize that until I was his age.”

The revelation led Sawayama to write “Your Age,” the furious mid-album anthem of Hold the Girl, in which she proclaims, “‘Cause now that I’m your age/ I just can’t imagine/ Why did you do it?/ What the hell were you thinking?” Sawayama shared in her interview that writing about her trauma on Hold the Girl turned out to be “one of the most incredible experiences” of her career.

“Now it makes me so happy when I see women or femmes in the audience connecting to [‘Your Age’],” she said. “When I look out to the audience, and I see femmes or women connecting to it, I’m like, ‘Maybe you know what I’m talking about, maybe you’re feeling it right now.'”

The singer is currently coming off of her busy festival season, which saw her hit stages at festivals including Glastonbury, Lollapalooza and dozens of others. At a few of her sets, Sawayama appeared to call out her labelmate Matty Healy for “microaggressions” such as mocking “Asian people on a podcast.” During her NOS Alive set, she turned up her ire, saying, “Why don’t you apologize for once in your life without making it about your f–king self?”

Watch a clip of her interview on BBC News’ TikTok.

If you or someone you know is struggling as a result of sexual assault, please reach out to RAINN’s 24/7 National Sexual Assault Hotline for confidential support and resources.